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The Kid Was Already Insane (2017)

by P of Good Samaritans

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1.
I wish everybody loved me But since it’s all for self Help nobody but me I’m sick of so much shit I’m not your family Don’t call me bro if you can’t stand me Liars asking for truth now got it Get expensive shit and feel retarded There’s so much hate on my heart Snakes in the grass everywhere Oh my God Don’t wanna see my face My pace at work makes you feel unsafe But I’m the boss Fuck outta here man I can’t stand waiting You don’t like me Stop pretending I won’t change for nobody Put too much effort on my dream to stop it I’m done paying attention I now take what’s mine Fuck the world I’m on a mission My patience has run out Spent years pushing for nothing Gimme me my ounce of recognition My barrel of cash is somewhere for me I’ll keep on searching I’m broke cause of the shit I chose Now it’s only time for me to get my dose Shoulda kept my suitcase close This place is so not for me I just don’t know My love for my daughter is unconditional Need to move mountains just for us both Can’t wait cause others don’t wanna do shit Obviously no one is ready to help me get Nothing So I’ll be my own boss Now don’t give me shit if I don’t give a fuck I was there now I’m not Do whatever you want You lost me Whatever you do won’t make a difference It’s what you say that keeps people believing No wonder why everything’s fucked up You get treated like shit but they say they love ya But you know what? I’m just not like that Actions make you who you are So if you got my back You better act right Cause if you don’t do jack but run your yap You know damn well I might just snap But isn’t it how real bosses really do? Tell you to pack your shit is nothing new You fucking yellow you Never there for nobody Using everybody to make it through
2.
I was born June 9th of 77  Third of 3 boys  Eleven years after the second  The first one, Frank  Saw the light in 61  December 1st  The day my family ceased being strong  Cause my father should have never had a child  He didn't know what to do with it  Except make my mama cry  He always was jealous of his oldest one  Ever since the beginning  Love just could never come  Not accepting pride as confidence  He chose to hurt him bad  Going against his accomplishments  Calling him faggot  Cause he was dressing nice  To attract women  What daddy could have never tried  He married my mom while in a deep depression  Even right after she had just lost her 2 parents  While she was weak and vulnerable  She even got beat up by a man  Who pretended being a Beatle  Don't want to think about it but I have to  I'm even scared to say  I'm terrified just thinking about the news  I'm so scared of that day (x2)  Three decades after my parents divorced  My mother still lives in the past  Having all kinds of remorse  Unable to forget though under strong medication  There’s not much she can do by herself  So I'm there compensating  From cleaning to grocery shopping  But I never really feel any type of satisfaction  Of being able to afford for my mom is my wish  All the luxuries in the world she’s never gotten  Take her on a trip to Miami  See palm trees, blue sea  And just feel the heat  Having a drink at the beach  Shouldn't be that big of a dream  For the woman that for me is the queen  One of the few that loves me no matter what  Smiling with her eyes just to see me show up  I'm scared of that day when I see her disappear  Without having chased any of her worst nightmares  Don't want to think about it but I have to  I'm even scared to say  I'm terrified just thinking about the news  I'm so scared of that day (x2)
3.
I was a young kid when mom got first sick Of an outsider I got the visit That gave me so much courage I forgot what he was in for To me he was my real father Treated me like his own blood Never took advantage of a young buck Could write tens of pages to enumerate What he did for a family to ressuscitate A state of dignity that was blown away With comedy Today laughters still make my day Never got to live with my dad But I think this man saved my life I remember him working at this drugstore As a handyman where we lived just next door Each and every week after his last shift He'd bring back Hot Wheels for me to play with To me he was Visiting Love (X6) I didn't get the chance to be around him very long Cause when my mom got out the hospital She asked to get me so I went back with her We kept visiting him Cause he loved being around us So he kept coming for a while Where was his wife? Things seemed to be complicated on his side He asked my mom how things were for her If she was willing to move on with him forever She then politely declined adding She loved him very much but was scared of ruining A great relationship I don't know why she said it But most importantly She didn't know that she would regret it He came back saying 'Buy my cottage for one cent' But then again mom said it didn't make sense I guess he took it as a rejection Cause the next time we heard of him He was inexistent He had killed himself Suicide my friend They found him dead Laying on the floor of his kitchen What would my life be if the end was different I'd be visiting love for my adoptive parent For him I'd be Visiting Love (repeated until the end) Miss you man Now rest in peace
4.
I Had To Go 03:12
No one ever understood the man And I’m afraid nothing never really happened It might have been a dream I had to go see by myself what they say about heaven Cause it seemed like nobody really cared for me Whatever decision I made I was criticized for it But the thing that topped it off is when I lost the kid I spent years being cheated on Lied to so often I had no idea what I depended on I had found true love in a child that needed help When I became a dad learning how to step Everything then felt so sweet and so perfect I was finally rightfully respected Teaching a son everything he needs to know to start in life Made me forget about all the problems around alright A wife saying things that didn’t make sense at all Wasn’t hurting as much as a few weeks before I had to go. I had to go I had to go I had to go. I had to go I had to go Perhaps I should have trusted people just a whole lot less To protect myself form being so much depressed Life got real dark when the lady got out the hospital No papers were signed, she had the right to take him home I tried my best to get the 2 to stay with me But a man had already entered the story Being around them all the time felt like it saved me Deep inside I was drifting away from reality I went fishing everyday that season Thinking about what could possibly be the solution Totally wasted one night I offered what I had saved my whole life A place to stay on a private lake Please stay one more night But I was declined my only chance to stay in the picture That’s when I knew I was gonna need a mixture Leave everyone alone and the weight of my presence Became a vague memory in the distance I had to go. I had to go I had to go I had to go. I had to go I had to go
5.
Two people who helped save my life killed themselves Leaving questions floating that will never be answered Why did you have to decide for all the others? I'm one of them that today still suffers I don't know if I understand or if I'm frustrated One thing for sure now it's all over No more sharing history in the future Everything is part of the past No one will get to know ya Like I knew you What a shame An odour I can't stand Now It's always time to fold up When we should be reminding ourselves About the so good days of old When everything was so cool Say something when you're suicidal You destroy so much when you decide to go through The pain remains long after you're gone Breaking all the hearts you touched all along Say something when you're suicidal You destroy so much when you decide to go through The pain remains long after you're gone Breaking all the hearts you touched all along It looks like depression does its job Taking away loved ones like a fraud Everything you gained gets lost real fast The safety you felt at some point gets smashed You wanting to free people all around Happens to be a brick wall and the sound is horrible I thought you were unbreakable Your laughters in my memory are despicable Unexplainable reaction from your part I hope you’re better now where you are Cause here it’s nothing like before your start Life is always cold october to march Say something when you're suicidal You destroy so much when you decide to go through The pain remains long after you're gone Breaking all the hearts you touched all along Say something when you're suicidal You destroy so much when you decide to go through The pain remains long after you're gone Breaking all the hearts you touched all along
6.
Safe & Sound 04:08
When I was little I wanted to become an architect Always wanted to build Everything around was a wreck My brother’s clique on coke Selling stolen gears and dope Quote unquote Those who terrorized the coast One night his friend asked me if he could borrow My baseball bat I was a young dude so just like that I wanted to play ball with them They all laughed and left Honestly I didn’t quite get it Till the next morning when I read the paper And it said someone got beat down with a slugger Shit in one sec it all made sense I was sitting at a table with a bunch of gangsters I remember saying to myself There’s no way I wanna one day look like any one of them I was starting in life and had the worst examples Needed to find a place in my head to set the tempo Started making music to flee a life I didn’t want Never paid off but I never ended in the joint The scenario that was set for me Materialized into being totally free Safe & Sound Those fuckers never stopped fucking around One day we were a jeans warehouse Can you count? The next day we were fucking Videotron If you needed cable They’d hook you up You know the song Strippers with stage names I recall one called Melody That fucked my brother but wasn’t so sweet All they did was get trashed all time Bottles of Jack Daniels and So much hash in aluminum foil Bricks of them With golden stamps Bums and tramps Shit was so dumb No curtains in the windows And knives burning pounds of drugs right in the middle of the table I saw so much shit in the 80’s But I wasn’t even impressed cause it all seemed normal to me My room had posters of Samantha Fox totally naked Though I wasn’t old enough to fuck Started making music to flee a life I didn’t want Never paid off but I never ended in the joint The scenario that was set for me Materialized into being totally free Safe & Sound I was introduced to heavy metal at a young age Wanted to get in my room But got kicked in the face With a steel toe boot You can’t get in here My brother could get so rude When he was totally wasted Led Zep playing so loud in the back And don’t start crying Can you hear the words on the track? You can hear the devil when you play the vinyl backwards I remember thinking their shit sounded so awkward The first BMX I got was robbed And was patiently waiting for me in the bathtub The morning of my birthday It felt like an earthquake Who in hell gives that kind of gifts anyway I got a million stories like that I just can’t make up To get out of that shit hole became my Stanley Cup I was sent to different places when my mom got sick And I found peace of mind discovering new music Started making music to flee a life I didn’t want Never paid off but I never ended in the joint The scenario that was set for me Materialized into being totally free Safe & Sound
7.
Hell 03:54
Have you ever lived not wanting to go home So desperate you found peace only by being alone Can’t explain what you go through And can’t stand the phone Dreaming of changing everything Get lost getting stoned Or always drunk Stuck with a hysterical bitch Over reacting to every situation again She’s pitching Pots, plates and utensils You ain’t rich but you should be allowed to do what you want and just go But you can’t cause you’re fucked Huge debts out of luck Huge tits time to nut Every reason you want There’s no way you can move Do your time in the joint Pretty much like the news Every one disappoints Toxic relationship Off beat No you can’t get Any worse than that You got caught by the cunt Never tell yourself she’s young and she will grow up If she’s crazy at one point Take your legs and just run If you stay when it’s hot you’ll live in HELL If you live by the cunt you’ll be living HELL Staying cause you don’t wanna hurt HELL Get the fuck out to avoid HELL If you stay when it’s hot you’ll live in HELL If you live by the cunt you’ll be living HELL Staying cause you don’t wanna hurt HELL Get the fuck out to avoid HELL Take the knife in the dishwasher never the drawer If you don’t you’ll get to know how much she really meant to bother Dirty socks in the laundry and never on the floor Even though the bathroom counter is full of her powder What the fuck you think you’re doing here Bring the money fuck your beer That ugly belly needs to melt down on that treadmill my dear Not hockey again you’re always watching them No music for you tonight I invited over some of my friends Set up the table now and say hello to Christina Can you go to grocery store something’s really missing now You so don’t wanna spark the thing That’s gonna make her go wild again You simply shut the fuck up and pretty much by accident You can’t stand her face but act like nothing’s really happening You know it will all soon end but just have no clue when Members of her family tell you nothing really makes sense It’s gonna explode for a minute but it’s time for you to change If you stay when it’s hot you’ll live in HELL If you live by the cunt you’ll be living HELL Staying cause you don’t wanna hurt HELL Get the fuck out to avoid HELL If you stay when it’s hot you’ll live in HELL If you live by the cunt you’ll be living HELL Staying cause you don’t wanna hurt HELL Get the fuck out to avoid HELL
8.
You gotta live life like there’s no tomorrow Let’s enjoy life my baby I’m still reminiscing about that summer in 95 Those crazy years That was the good time, good time It's summer 95 and I'm single Me and my boys are upper town and we're wrinkled We're about to flex to Pete's home, a car full The others will follow by bus number 54 Before we pull up I tell the boys as a joke Find some fine ass girls on the low Then we roll we smoke blunts getting haut Heading north to the hometown where the port's beau I don't know what's going down but I'm starvin' Stop at the corner store to get somethin' A couple date squares' what I'm fuckin' with Let's get to our man's house real quick As we arrive I choose to sit upstairs I need to eat right now, otherwise I'm dead Unwrap my treat Take a bite I'm hit Where the lightning strikes Shit that's it She enters the house with her pearly smile Brown hair, brown eyes I think I'm gonna die I can't finish my thing I'm done with the munchies I gotta get this girl's phone number before she leaves I follow her downstairs And I can smell the scent of her fruity perfume Now my senses dance Plus her style is classy The perfect beauty I fly in the sky but yo I gotta speak I'm a handsome dude but so are my boys Gotta make my way in with my nice deep voice I make her laugh while we share a joint Can't show I'm too high if I don't wanna lose too many points Time for her and her sweet girlfriend to go The other one's the bomb too but I can't go for both At the door when they're about to leave I find myself frozen even hard for me to breathe That's when I let my dream girl disappear In the darkness of the night I know I'm such a queer That's when she turns around and screams my name Comes back running, puts a piece a paper in my hand You gotta live life like there’s no tomorrow Let’s enjoy life my baby I’m still reminiscing about that summer in 95 Those crazy years That was the good time, good time The summer of a crazy year Music comin’ out is so sick Cherry on top is Only Built for Cuban Linx So many classics bumping in everybody’s whips 36 Chambers, The Infamous, Me Against The World, Dah Shining Do you want more? Cocktails, Lifestyle of the poor and dangerous It feels like we’re part of a movement So it’s only right for us to be cruisin’ We spend hours driving around town Poundin’ our sound systems with the best to be found Everybody feels down in the city Frowns everywhere we feel the need to be creative We just lost our beloved hockey team and Salt Lake City totally killed our olympic dream All we do is play bball, get drunk and empty balls So many hot chicks get the booty call It’s poverty’s paradise We Naughty by Nature A huge appetite for beautiful creatures I’m so in love I can’t feel nothing All I think about is make love to my new girlfriend We spend evenings at the movie theatre Apollo 13, Die Hard with vengeance Her lips are so soft She keeps me on the edge of my seat I need to know where’s the end of my dream The skirts she wears are just too much Plus the shoes she uses to match em are always so sharp I can’t wait for the time we brush our teeth Cause it means I get closer to drop my jeans I’m losin’ my mind and I can’t see straight I wish I could cause it could really hurt me babe I don’t know I’m mixing love now with attraction My judgment is clouded cause I’m way too blinded I should know better cause I already been there When I was 15 , need to take intensive care I so wanna be in love I’m in love with love But I’ll soon find out what’s its really real cost You gotta live life like there’s no tomorrow Let’s enjoy life my baby I’m still reminiscing about that summer in 95 Those crazy years That was the good time, good time
9.
NYC 03:38
Nothing makes me feel like going to New York City When on vacation Dream of crossing the Tappan Zee Rolling southbound on the BQE Looking at the crazy Manhattan skyline from the East I love the feel of being about to spend some time on the greatest island Can't never wait for a meal that of course is gonna be italian Mulberry Street Taste the best pizzas Spaghetti sauces Everything you need boss You're in NYC The best of all cities NYC The city of big dreams A walk on the Brooklyn Bridge To admire the East River So hot you'd need a fridge But it can't get any cooler Take the time to stroll slowly to witness the architecture Everything is a scenery Everybody's taking pictures Wall Street, Battery Park and then Tribeca High line is waiting for me In the Meat packing District Always have an eye on the Empire State and Chrysler buildings Even though next to me is the Hudson River Take a bite in Hell's Kitchen Chill at Bryant Park Ladies in need of friction Please don't make me start The city of Peter Venkman Everywhere is art Even if you stayed a thousand years You’d still be missing parts You're in NYC The best of all cities NYC The city of big dreams Columbus Circle is on Central Park West Reminds me of Corona Park and A Tribe Called Quest Heading north towards the famous Dakota Building Where John Lennon was shot Make a right in Strawberry Fields Cross the Bow Bridge Enjoy the sight around the lake The Belvedere Castle is only one mile away Get to the extraordinary Museum of Natural History If it's rainy it's probably the best you'll ever get to see But never miss the chance to go to the Yankee Stadium Where the best franchise in the world plays baseball every summer Spend some time around it Especially before game time Kids play in parking lots If you don't do it's a crime You're in NYC The best of all cities NYC The city of big dreams Of course there's no way you can do all you want in one stay There's so much to do like just walking down Broadway The beach of Coney Island Scent of BBQs in Harlem Not to mention the Madison Square Garden Rangers, Knicks, Devils, Yankees, Mets Giants, Jets, Islanders, Nets Times Square at night where the lights are so bright You might think it's day time And get lost and all these heights Staten Island Ferry for the Statue of Liberty The best view of Lower Manhattan Believe me Flatiron, Chinatown, Washington Square In a famous yellow cab or one metro fare You're in NYC The best of all cities NYC The city of big dreams You're in NYC The best of all cities NYC The city of big dreams
10.
I lost my mind, my love my life A simple argument changed a lifetime One minute before I made my decision Everything seemed sublime The perfect situation A dream so intense I could feel sentiments I thought never existed til I felt 'em I planned my escape while she was showering While I was watching the 2004 World Hockey Championship Canada's yellow jersey looked horrible I wasn't following the game Thinking 'bout making my way out untraceable Called a cab right after she left for work Then picked up all my clothes in the closet from the hangers Packed my suitcase fast then took 300 dollars in her wallet Hidden in a cushion in case something bad happened I lost my mind, my love my life All I had in mind was leave before it was too late I had things to take care of back home Let's say they weren't too safe I remember the ride talking to the taxi driver Thinking I shoulda went back up and forget what I was doing Cause we lived on the 10th floor of a building in Virginia And downstairs I hesitated before closing the door But when it locked up on me I had no choice but to move on with my plan Though I was already having regrets I got scared of what was coming She was gonna graduate from GW But the future didn't look so great We were gonna move to her parents in Philadelphia I was going bankrupt and had no legal papers on myself I thought I was gonna leave for a while and fix things up And later come back with my green card from the north I still wonder why I didn't say a word back then About what the fuck was really going on in my head I lost my mind, my love my life I guess it was too much for me to handle at the moment I chose to make the mistake of totally remaining silent All I remember is seeing the Washington Monument Thinking I might never ever be able to see it again That's when what I was doing really hit me Cause then I can only recall being in New York City The level of stress inside of me was insane I thought I was just never gonna make it back with my whole brain I lost my mind, my love my life
11.
12.
Tolerate 03:29
Produced by Dave McGennis Written and performed by P Recorded by Opac Mixed and mastered by Matriq I guess we all can say life is hard enough like this We don't need to be hurt for nothing Rethink I think we only need to be heard My ink is indelible My dreams are terrible nightmares I'm capable of a few great things Like listening and giving hope Wrestling with my thoughts and Swing with a sing what's so negative Right there outside the ring I'm trying to move on and the best I can Motivation just ain't always there my friend Forgive myself for the people I offended And help is not easy for me to demand It makes me feel like I'm losing it I may be wrong but that's how I'm feeling it I'm digging deep in my head for solutions By myself I'll make it Cause failure is something I can't tolerate How much can one take? Now disintegrate stress, go away You just cannot wait That’s the only way You can’t tolerate That energy ain’t that good for your brain Release all your hate Make peace with your main source of that great force Lift that weight off Your fate is to make right there Through that gate Where there is only love Regrets can eat you inside out You have to forget and give up the bouts you can't win You didn't kill anybody but still You're there laying down hoping she ain't getting ill You will go through this challenge You don't have a choice, understand Life goes on and you can't stir the same shit over and over Now get over it Take care of yourself and finally live the new life Enjoy your love and the growth of your child Get healthy and live your passions Get crazy but only for the good reasons See positivity everywhere around you Now will help you go through basically anything Focus on that Be the king of your mind And bring spring on your side to your sight You have the right to let bright lights in your eyes Don't criticize yourself so much No one is perfect Don't make it so rough Plus it's useless Who cares if you're making mistakes Who doesn't? So give yourself that break You're a great person with clever intentions Don't tolerate shit Stand up and walk ahead straight How much can one take? Now disintegrate stress, go away You just cannot wait That’s the only way You can’t tolerate That energy ain’t that good for your brain Release all your hate Make peace with your main source of that great force Lift that weight off Your fate is to make right there Through that gate Where there is only love Release all your hate (x10 fading out)
13.
For a long while I thought it was over And I was gonna live by myself forever Say goodbye to my hometown and never come back Spend the rest of life exploring a new track I had failed for so long I needed to whack the old me That lacked so much energy I was dreaming of Brazil and its never ending beaches Summertime that last a whole year Welcoming wet kisses When I walked by the most extraordinary person I knew for a while that smiled at me through her vision I must’ve felt some sort of connection Cause I trashed all of my plans And opened the door to a new beginning You’re entering the zone of Zach & Olivia In the spring of 2012 my girl became pregnant We gave the foetus a name and told our mothers Zach was gonna be here just the next winter The ever free kid was gonna become a father figure But life is always full of surprises As you can guess My son chose a different dimension to get some rest We fled the sorrow on a quick vacation And did what we had to do to correct the situation You’re entering the zone of Zach & Olivia April 6 2013 is the day everything slowed down And made our lives make sense Showing the direction to an intense feeling of adoration Olivia Brooklyn Daigle was born to the happiest parents Her elegance brought us to tears We could finally comprehend the word fears A dense relief, satisfaction The key to an ever ending growth Unconditional love made its way to our small circle

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released September 8, 2017

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P of Good Samaritans Québec City, Québec

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